This was the title of a piece I read in a newspaper in Washington state a number of years ago. I was dumbfounded. It went on to list, in great detail, every reason this anonymous granddaughter held a bitter grudge against her grandmother. You can guarantee this grandma didn't get any visits from her granddaughter in the nursing home.
While giving a little mini concert in the skilled nursing facility room of a lady who was lying in her bed, the daughter of her roommate was changing the sheets of her mother's bed.
"Why are you changing the sheets?" I inquired. "Don't they do that for you here?"
"Oh yes, they do," she replied. "And they would if I asked. But I always change the sheets on the day my mother has her shower so that she can return to a fresh smelling bed."
"Wow! That's amazing!"
"After all she did for us, that's the least I could do."
I soon discovered that this devoted daughter had visited her mother in the nursing home daily for the last nine plus years. This on top of living in another town.
"I don't see how it could be any other way. After all our parents have done for us, it's a no-brainer, don't you think?"
"Well, I'm not sure every parent warrants the same devotion as your mother is receiving from you," I countered, sharing examples of those whose parenting practices failed miserably in comparison.
Soon after, I found myself hugging and comforting a tearful old gentleman who was lonely for his children and grandchildren who rarely, if ever, visit him in the nursing home.
"Perhaps they'll come see you for Christmas," I encouraged in a lame attempt to "fix" his problem. "I'll pray that they do," I added for good measure, thinking that surely his loved ones will visit him on the "most wonderful day of the year."
So, if you're wondering how you rate as a parent or grandparent, consider the following ways to ensure that your loved ones will not be tempted to dismiss you in the end. My list is short and simple:
1. Love them unconditionally.
2. Be generous with your time and resources.
And, in the meantime, consider hugging someone's parent/grandparent at a nursing home this holiday season.
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Kareen King is a Registered Drama Therapist and founder of The Golden Experience, offering keynotes, concerts, and workshops to enrich lives in long-term care. For booking information, contact her at kking@thegoldenexperience.com or visit www.thegoldenexperience.com.
Kareen's CD's which feature original songs that give voice to individuals in long-term care settings, have been used as caregiver training tools, gifts for long-term care staff and volunteers, and for personal inspiration. To hear samples and to purchase, click http://www.cdbaby.com/Artist/KareenKing.
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