When Incontinence Provides An Opportunity for Validation

By Kareen King, RDT

"I just wet my pants," "Louie" lamented as he sat in his wheelchair in the middle of the hallway.

"It's o.k." I reassured. "Sometimes our bodies don't always obey us like we want."

"It's embarrassing," he continued.

"I know. But don't be so hard on yourself. You're in good company. It happens to a lot of us. It could happen to me some day."

"I went all over the world, but it don't matter," he reminisced, attempting to dismiss his life's experiences because of his current loss of control.

"Really? That's wonderful! Where have you been?" I coaxed, capitalizing on the opportunity to validate this gentleman.

"I've been to every state except for two," he replied, lighting up a bit as he identified the two states. "But I failed," he replied in an effort to wallow in a little more self pity.

"Failed? You've been to more places than most people in the world!" I persisted.

"I used to think I failed for not going to those two states, but I would have failed for going to them without a purpose."

His demeanor had suddenly shifted from self pity to self pride as he explained how his military service was the reason for all his destinations, except for the two states, of course.

"Thank you for serving our country," I said, shaking his hand. "Is it o.k. if I give you a hug?" I inquired, reminding him of how valuable he is just for being a human being.

"That's so important," he remarked as I embraced him. "I hope I see you again."

After the hug, I stepped away, viewing the tears in his eyes.

"I'll see you again in a week," I told him.

I stepped away from Louie, waved good-bye, and headed back down the hallway, satisfied that his world had become a much better place, even if for a moment.

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Kareen King is a Registered Drama Therapist and founder of The Golden Experience™, offering keynotes, concerts, and workshops to enrich lives in long-term care. For booking information, contact her at kking@thegoldenexperience.com or visit www.thegoldenexperience.com. Kareen's CD's which feature original songs that give voice to individuals in long-term care settings, have been used as caregiver training tools, gifts for long-term care staff and volunteers, and for personal inspiration. To hear samples and to purchase, click http://www.cdbaby.com/Artist/KareenKing.