Kareen King

The One Topic Most Sung About & Most Needed

2012-02-17T05:38:00.000-08:00

By Kareen King, RDT

There have been, in the United States, 116 number one songs written with the word "love" in the title. Yet it would be impossible to calculate the untold thousands, perhaps millions, of songs written about love. In spite of the over-saturation of this evasive topic, it's still holds true that "what the world needs now is love, sweet love. It's the only thing that there's just too little of" (lyrics by Hal David).

This week I facilitated a post-Valentine's Day experience using love songs as catalysts for meaningful engagement with elders in long-term care settings. Examples include:

"Side by Side" by Gus Kahn and Harry Woods and "Danny's Song" by Kenny Loggins - I asked each resident to answer the following question: "Were you rich, poor, or in-between when you got married?"

"Have I Told You Lately That I Love You?" - I asked for a raising of hands for those who grew up in homes where the words "I love you" were used often versus those who seldom heard those words.

"L-O-V-E" (made famous by Nat King Cole) by Milt Gabler and Bert Kaempfer - I asked each resident to fill in the blank, "Love is ________________."

I got a lot of interesting and varied responses from the residents, even those who appeared to be lost in the world of dementia or slumped over with fatigue. Answers to "Love is . . ." included all the expected answers such as "great" or "good," etc. But, the unexpected, yet most honest answers included, "Miserable," and "I don't even know anymore." To me, those were the most priceless answers, because they reflected a level of safety and comfortability to be transparent, even in a large group setting.

I concluded the experience by having my Emilou puppet hug each resident and blow them a kiss. Some people might question whether such a gesture is "age appropriate," but in my experience, I have never seen one nursing home resident reject the distancing technique of experiencing affection from an inanimate object when it is offered in love. Often, they respond to Emilou by saying "I love you," kissing her, or smiling. Some have even requested to hold her. The picture above reveals how deeply some long for touch and connection.

__________________________________________________________________

Kareen's CD's which feature original songs that give voice to individuals in long-term care settings, have been used as caregiver training tools, gifts for long-term care staff and volunteers, and for personal inspiration. To hear samples and to purchase, click http://www.cdbaby.com/Artist/KareenKing.

Dinner Talk With the Individual With Dementia

2012-02-09T15:18:00.000-08:00

By Kareen King, RDT

“I don’t like people takin’ over my table,” Vinnie barked.

I happened to be seated at a table adjacent to Vinnie, alady with dementia who thinks she owns the retirement community where sheresides. Literally.

“I’m not taking over your table. I’m using it. I pay moneyevery time,” Millie her tablemate,who also has dementia, defended.

“Well, I ain’t seen no money yet,” Vinnie quipped.

Millie turned to me and asked, “Where does her money go?"

“I believe to the business office,” I replied, trying to behelpful.

“I don’t care what she told you,” Vinnie interjected. “Nowif you can get a lot of money and pay me, you can sit here. So you better geteatin’ and get out of here.”

A care assistant checked in with Vinnie and her tablemates toassess the situation.

“Everybody in the country all piled in here at MY table,”Vinnie reported.

“I’m payin’ it,” Millie challenged, defending herself onceagain.

“Well you might be payin’ it, but I ain’t seen a dime!”Vinnie held fast to her position.

Another caregiver then came along and attempted to usereason with Vinnie to diffuse the situation.

“You hurt her feelings,” said the nurse, continuing on witha few false attempts at Validation, including well intentioned, but ineffective therapeutic lies such as, “Thereason everyone sits at your table is because they like you so much.”

“Why have I got to let everyone in the country take over mytable?” Vinnie complained yet again.

Eventually Millie got up and changed tables, with some assistance, as Vinnieremained at her seat, vindicated.

A few minutes later, a male care assistant sat down across from Vinnieto eat his lunch. I waited to see her reaction, but there was none. The two sat across from each other in quiet contentment.

“Wow, how do YOU rate?” I discreetly probed the boy.

“I don’t talk or stir things up,” he replied. “And . . . I’ma guy.”

Enough said.

Addendum: A person with dementia such as Vinnie, lives in a world of her own. Though there's no perfect communication solution, the use of logic or flattery is not useful or effective in such as situation as relayed above. Besides making sure Vinnie is not situated at the dinner table with individuals not equipped to deal with her dementia, it's best to enter into Vinnie's reality (which is that she owns the place) by asking questions such as:

"Is this the most frustrated you've been?"
"When have you felt frustrated before?"
"How did you deal with it?"
"When did you start working here?"
"What are your duties?"
"Have you done anything like this before?"
"Where?" or "When?"
"Are there times it's o.k. for people to sit at your table?"
"If so, who would you like to have sit at your table?"
"What kind of food is served here?"
"What meals are you most proud of?"
"Where else have you served meals like this?"
"What kinds of meals do you like to prepare?"
"What is a favorite recipe of yours?"
etc. etc.

Then, take Vinnie's hand in yours, look her in the eye, and thank her for the conversation.

On the other hand, in Vinnie's case, sometimes just being a silent presence is enough.

__________________________________________________________________

The Deconstruction of a Delightful Groundhog Day Golden Experience

2012-02-04T20:23:00.000-08:00

By Kareen King, RDT

I realize Groundhog Day occurred two days ago, but I just had to share about the delightful experience that evolved serendipitously for the nursing home residents I serve. Here's the deconstruction:

On the morning of February 2nd I tuned into the news to see if I could extract anything significant to engage the elders I work with. Besides Mitt Romney's "misspoken" comment, "I don't care about the very poor," and the stranger-than-fiction headline regarding the wealthy Florida man who adopted his girlfriend to shield his assets (I thought it made a great segue for the group sing-along "I'm My Own Grandpa"), I was reminded that it was Groundhog Day!

So, combining my improvisational skills with my growing repertoire of songs, stories, pictures, and games, I came up with the following Groundhog Day Golden Experience:

1. Did a storytelling of the synopsis of the film, Groundhog Day.
2. Asked the residents if anyone would like to redo a day of choice or relive an experience.
3. Sang the song "I Got You Babe" (invited the residents to join in on the super easy chorus).
4. Sang the song, "It Ain't Me, Babe" after explaining that this is what inspired Sonny Bono to write "I Got You Babe" (invited the residents to join in on another super easy chorus).
5. Sang the song, "She Loves You, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah" after explaining that this is what inspired Bob Dylan to write "It Ain't Me, Babe" (invited the residents to join in on yet another super easy chorus).
6. Shared pictures of an actual hog butchering experience I observed about a month ago, making a visual pun out of the attached photo of actual ground hog (pun intended)!
7. Gave the residents an opportunity to reminisce on their own memories of hog butchering and other farm-related experiences. One lady said, "You just took me back forty years."
8. Did a group recitation of the Groundhog Day poem that's featured on Wikipedia, capitalizing on the use of rhyming couplets.
9. Did a mock vote on the future President of the United States - Mitt Romney, Barack Obama, or Kareen King - the residents voted for yours truly.
10. Thanked each resident by name for attending and had my Emilou puppet give each one a hug or handshake.

A FANTASTIC time was had by all.

__________________________________________________________________

A Picture And a Thousand Words

2012-01-31T06:46:00.000-08:00

By Kareen King

According to research, people have a natural attraction for narrative construction and tend to remember facts more easily when associated with storytelling. I have found this to be true in the long-term care setting as well.

For example, a picture may be worth a thousand words, but it'll be worth a lot more if you have a story behind it. I lace everything I do with personal anecdotes, and that includes the original photos I share with my residents.

The other day, I enlisted the help of several direct care workers to showcase my nature photos so the residents could get as many close-up views as possible. Often these include sunsets and sunrises.

After a wonderful session that included tales from a recent cruise adventure followed be nonsense songs in honor of Lewis Carroll's birthday, I headed down the hallway to return some of the residents to one of the neighborhood dining rooms. Along the way, I passed by "Donna," a resident who was rehabbing with her walker.

"I watched the sunset the other night," she said. "It reminded me of you."

That warmed my heart. To know that I was thought of by a nursing home resident on a day I wasn't even around.

Personal narrative, beauty, genuine connection. This is what The Golden Experience is all about.

And here is this morning's sunrise from my own front yard:

__________________________________________________________________

Kareen King is a Registered Drama Therapist and founder of The Golden Experience™, offering keynotes, concerts, and workshops to enrich lives in long-term care. For booking information, contact her at kking@thegoldenexperience.com or visit www.thegoldenexperience.com. Kareen's CD's which feature original songs that give voice to individuals in long-term care settings, have been used as caregiver training tools, gifts for long-term care staff and volunteers, and for personal inspiration. To hear samples and to purchase, click http://www.cdbaby.com/Artist/KareenKing.

When Incontinence Provides An Opportunity for Validation

2012-01-28T05:12:00.000-08:00

By Kareen King, RDT

"I just wet my pants," "Louie" lamented as he sat in his wheelchair in the middle of the hallway.

"It's o.k." I reassured. "Sometimes our bodies don't always obey us like we want."

"It's embarrassing," he continued.

"I know. But don't be so hard on yourself. You're in good company. It happens to a lot of us. It could happen to me some day."

"I went all over the world, but it don't matter," he reminisced, attempting to dismiss his life's experiences because of his current loss of control.

"Really? That's wonderful! Where have you been?" I coaxed, capitalizing on the opportunity to validate this gentleman.

"I've been to every state except for two," he replied, lighting up a bit as he identified the two states. "But I failed," he replied in an effort to wallow in a little more self pity.

"Failed? You've been to more places than most people in the world!" I persisted.

"I used to think I failed for not going to those two states, but I would have failed for going to them without a purpose."

His demeanor had suddenly shifted from self pity to self pride as he explained how his military service was the reason for all his destinations, except for the two states, of course.

"Thank you for serving our country," I said, shaking his hand. "Is it o.k. if I give you a hug?" I inquired, reminding him of how valuable he is just for being a human being.

"That's so important," he remarked as I embraced him. "I hope I see you again."

After the hug, I stepped away, viewing the tears in his eyes.

"I'll see you again in a week," I told him.

I stepped away from Louie, waved good-bye, and headed back down the hallway, satisfied that his world had become a much better place, even if for a moment.

__________________________________________________________________

The One Thing Customer Service Should Never Pass Along

2012-01-24T14:28:00.000-08:00

I have a cold. The miserable kind with headache, sneezing, and the occasional plugging the nostrils with a Kleenex and keeping it there. Big deal, right? Well, there is no hard evidence to support how I got it, but here's a theory.

A week ago, my husband and I decided to stop by a popular coffeehouse and order our favorite beverages. While placing our order, the barista began coughing into her bare hand. Repeatedly. Until then, I had made up my mind to order a mocha frappuccino. Was even eyeing some of the breakfast pastries.

"I apologize," she lamented as she stepped into another room for a moment. "I have bronchitis," she added upon returning to fill our order. Suddenly, I wanted to dart out of her presence, but I feared offending her. The coughing into her hand, combined with blowing her nose into a paper towel continued relentlessly.

"I'll just take a small coffee," I announced, changing my mind after my previous request for the frappuccino. I didn't want to spend a dime more than I had to at this point.

"O.k., well then let me make some fresh coffee," she replied as I watched, in horror, her replace the filter with the hand she had been coughing into.

My husband tried to ease my anxiety by whispering that perhaps the germs would die off with the heat.

My stomach churned as I then watched her pour the coffee into my cup and press the lid down tightly, again with the same hand.

Seconds later, I discreetly took a napkin and removed the lid, tossing it into the waste dispenser. Then, while drinking the coffee in hopes it wasn't contaminated, I wrote her a friendly note, offering some advice about personal hygiene in the workplace.

I handed it to her with a smile, as we exchanged friendly farewells.

What I have become recently aware of, is the human tendency to choose not to offend over to experience suffering. There was a quote along these lines in the hit movie, "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo."

And now, the question is, do I take my cold to work with me and risk passing it along to the long-term care residents I serve?

Some things are best kept to ourselves.

__________________________________________________________________

How to Create a Golden Moment in the Person-Centered Care Journey

2012-01-12T14:52:00.000-08:00

By Kareen King, RDT

Person-centered care. It's a growing trend in the long-term care industry. That is, accommodating residents in long-term care settings to make their own choices, eat when and what they want, and do what they want to do, within reason.

There's a gentleman at one of the retirement communities I consult at. He's not that interested in attending group activities and can often be found napping in his room. That is, unless he's given an opportunity to get the heck out of dodge and go out for a spin through the countryside.

The other day I joined "Jerry" with a group of residents on a bus outing to a nearby town where my son lives. After driving around the city lake and stopping for ice cream at McDonald's, I arranged for the residents to stop at my son's home so he could bring his two affectionate dogs into the bus for the residents to pet and enjoy. Mission accomplished. Or so I thought.

Just as we were getting ready to move on, Jerry requested to see my son's Corvette. Within minutes, you could see Jerry and the other guys' faces light up as my son revved up the engine and pulled around the bus so everyone could get a good look. It was a "golden moment" that occurred as a result of the following ingredients:
- Spontaneity
- Camaraderie
- Originality
- Novelty
- Charity
- Generosity

The picture above captures the juxtaposition of two worlds that come together as one, even for one brief golden moment.

__________________________________________________________________

A Beautiful Day

2012-01-06T21:18:00.000-08:00

A beautiful day. That's what today was.

After engaging nursing home residents throughout the day with songs, pictures, stories, and hugs, I spent a few extra moments with a woman for whom I deliver weekly bedside concerts. I shared with her a few of the songs she missed during the group activities.

"I'll see you next Friday," I declared as I bid her farewell.

"You are the beauty of my week," she replied.

And, on the way home, I saw one of the most beautiful sunsets ever.

Love, beauty, peak moments. That's what The Golden Experience is all about.

__________________________________________________________________

How to Avoid Being Happy

2012-01-05T13:32:00.000-08:00

Kenny passed away a few months ago. I'm reminded of my past friendship with him every time I walk into Brookside Retirement Community and see the montages of pictures of residents and staff sharing special moments. There's a wonderful picture of Kenny and me, cheek to cheek, with big smiles on our faces. You'd never know that several years back when I worked with him full time, he was often grumpy and never had anything appreciative to say about much of anything. Except he loved it when I might take him out for a trip to the Dollar General where he could stock up on bird seed and soda pop.

We used to excuse his behavior as a cover-up for his sense of unworthiness for receiving anything of value. Because, before he came to Brookside, he was the town throw-away. A couple of good Samaritans came along and rescued him, taking on the role of Durable Power of Attorney, and making sure that his last years of life would be years in which he would be treated with dignity and love. And perhaps he would, for once, enjoy some of the finer things in life.

One day, some of my coworkers and I cooked up a fishing trip for the men. We coaxed Kenny into joining us. When we arrived at the city lake, he immediately started complaining that the lake was no good and that he wasn't going to have any fun. And then, to prove his point, he parked his walker and laid down on the sidewalk. It reminded me of a truth I learned from Dr. Paul Fitzgerald who often speaks on ways people try to avoid losing in life. One of the twelve "dirty dozen" ways of trying to beat the system, or as Dr. Phil would say, "Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?" is "Don't play the game."

So, on this particular occasion, I thought I'd play the "don't-play-the-game" game along with him. And he kinda liked that. It was a moment where he felt validated and noticed. And I rather enjoyed the moment myself.

My coworker, Jill, found this picture and gave it to me the other day. It's different than the one you can see on the bulletin board at Brookside, but I like it better. And it demonstrates to me, how important it is to enter the world of individuals in long-term care. And how wonderful it is to just spend a moment to be with someone on their turf.

__________________________________________________________________

One of the Most Powerful Theater Games Ever

2012-01-02T09:25:00.000-08:00

I learned this game during my training in Drama Therapy at Kansas State University. It was introduced to me in Renee Umenah's book, Acting For Real: Drama Therapy Process, Technique, And Performance. The game is entitled, "Fortunately, Unfortunately" and it goes something like this:

1. A group of participants are assigned to create an imaginary character with a goal. They can flesh out the character as they wish.
2. The first player starts the story with a sentence that establishes both the current status quo and the character's ultimate goal.
3. The next player creates a sentence that begins with "Unfortunately . . ."
4. The next player, building on the story, creates a sentence that begins with "Fortunately . . ."
5. This continues until the last player who ties up all the loose ends and concludes the story with the character achieving his goal.

I've played this game dozens of times in variety of situations with a variety of audiences. It never plays out the same, but it's always incredibly illuminating, offering insights into how we flesh out our own emotional roller coasters. Here's how it played out in my own life today:

The Wild Goose Chase
by Kareen King

Fortunately: My husband told me about a flock of thousands of geese outside. I ran outside with my brand new digital camera and took dozens of potentially award-winning shots of them flying toward and above me with cattle grazing in the background.

Unfortunately: I discovered I forgot to put the memory card in the camera.

Fortunately: I ran back in the house and installed the memory card. Ran back out to find the geese still there!

Unfortunately: While attempting to shoot more amazing pics, I discovered the battery went dead.

Fortunately: I ran back in the house and installed recharged back-up battery.

Unfortunately: I ran back outside and discovered that every last goose was gone.

The moral of the story: Be prepared or your goose is cooked!

How can this be applied in the long-term care setting (or in life, for that matter)?

Several thoughts come to mind including:

- Use this game as an activity with the residents or during staff meetings.

- Use this game and follow with conversation starters such as "What disrupts your own status quo and how do you deal with it?" or "List some of your best "fortunately's" or worst "unfortunately's".

Of course, I will tell this story to the residents next time I work with them, as I always enjoy sharing my own life experiences. And I will milk it for all it's worth. Because one thing I've learned from this game is that, I will not "land" in an "unfortunately." I will make lemonade from the lemons life throws at me, such as this one today.

And I will show them a picture of my empty picture with, ironically, the graveyard in the background. I will ask them to imagine what could fill up that pasture at any given moment of the day. And I will describe, as best I can, what I saw this morning. I will let them play it out in their mind's eye, for after all, many of them will be too visually impaired to enjoy the details of my pictures anyway. And I will laugh at my own mistake, having had fun making play out of the misery-loves-company adage.

So, if I would have had my camera all ready to go, I wouldn't have had this "as-good-as-it-gets" story to tell. I missed capturing the peak moments on camera, but I can still learn from the debris. And I can practice "The Golden Nugget Pursuit" which is part of The Golden Experience.

__________________________________________________________________

How An Author Helps Nursing Home Residents Relive Their Past

2011-12-30T19:06:00.000-08:00

My brother, Eric Brende, author of "Better Off," a Harper Collins published narrative about he and his wife's 15 month stint living without electricity in an Amish-like community, came for a visit this week. It was a no-brainer to invite him to present his unique presentation for the residents at Wellsville and Brookside Retirement Communities.

Today after his presentation at Brookside, one of the residents commented on how much she enjoyed it.

"Why he was talking about the way we used to live."

And I realized the irony of the situation. Here is my brother, talking about his experience as an urban homesteader as if it were something unheard of. And all the while, the residents are probably thinking, "Been there, done that."

Nonetheless, his innovative performance which used classical piano pieces to aid in telling the story of how technology can complicate, rather than simplify our lives, was refreshing, entertaining, and inspirational. A "Golden Experience" indeed.

__________________________________________________________________

Merry Christmas from Kareen King!

2011-12-25T21:12:00.000-08:00

I want to acknowledge Darin Jones, a former Theater Appreciation student of mine for creating a front yard Christmas light extravaganza for all the townspeople of Overbrook, Kansas to enjoy. I took several pictures as the experience, which was cued up with a local FM radio station, unfolded.He delivered a truly "Golden Experience."Merry Christmas!__________________________________________________________________Kareen King is a Registered Drama Therapist and founder of The Golden Experience, offering keynotes, concerts, and workshops to enrich lives in long-term care. For booking information, contact her at kking@thegoldenexperience.com or visit www.thegoldenexperience.com. Kareen's CD's which feature original songs that give voice to individuals in long-term care settings, have been used as caregiver training tools, gifts for long-term care staff and volunteers, and for personal inspiration. To hear samples and to purchase, click http://www.cdbaby.com/Artist/KareenKing.

The One Thing No Grandparent Wants to Hear

2011-12-24T07:37:00.000-08:00

"Die, Grandma, die!"

This was the title of a piece I read in a newspaper in Washington state a number of years ago. I was dumbfounded. It went on to list, in great detail, every reason this anonymous granddaughter held a bitter grudge against her grandmother. You can guarantee this grandma didn't get any visits from her granddaughter in the nursing home.

Compare that with what I encountered yesterday.

While giving a little mini concert in the skilled nursing facility room of a lady who was lying in her bed, the daughter of her roommate was changing the sheets of her mother's bed.

"Why are you changing the sheets?" I inquired. "Don't they do that for you here?"

"Oh yes, they do," she replied. "And they would if I asked. But I always change the sheets on the day my mother has her shower so that she can return to a fresh smelling bed."

"Wow! That's amazing!"

"After all she did for us, that's the least I could do."

I soon discovered that this devoted daughter had visited her mother in the nursing home daily for the last nine plus years. This on top of living in another town.

"I don't see how it could be any other way. After all our parents have done for us, it's a no-brainer, don't you think?"

"Well, I'm not sure every parent warrants the same devotion as your mother is receiving from you," I countered, sharing examples of those whose parenting practices failed miserably in comparison.

Soon after, I found myself hugging and comforting a tearful old gentleman who was lonely for his children and grandchildren who rarely, if ever, visit him in the nursing home.

"Perhaps they'll come see you for Christmas," I encouraged in a lame attempt to "fix" his problem. "I'll pray that they do," I added for good measure, thinking that surely his loved ones will visit him on the "most wonderful day of the year."

So, if you're wondering how you rate as a parent or grandparent, consider the following ways to ensure that your loved ones will not be tempted to dismiss you in the end. My list is short and simple:

1. Love them unconditionally.
2. Be generous with your time and resources.

And, in the meantime, consider hugging someone's parent/grandparent at a nursing home this holiday season.

__________________________________________________________________

Kareen King is a Registered Drama Therapist and founder of The Golden Experience, offering keynotes, concerts, and workshops to enrich lives in long-term care. For booking information, contact her at kking@thegoldenexperience.com or visit www.thegoldenexperience.com.

Kareen's CD's which feature original songs that give voice to individuals in long-term care settings, have been used as caregiver training tools, gifts for long-term care staff and volunteers, and for personal inspiration. To hear samples and to purchase, click http://www.cdbaby.com/Artist/KareenKing.

The One Thing That Matters Most in the End

2011-12-22T07:10:00.000-08:00

"A picture is worth a thousand words," according to the old adage.

I was recently asked what three things I would grab from my home if it caught fire. Without hesitation I replied that it would be the picture of my five children that my son gave me last year for Christmas. After that, I drew a blank.

When you walk through a long-term care community and look at the rooms of each of the residents, you will see that very little of material possession remains in their lives except for the most part, pictures.

Furthermore, it's the use of pictures during many of our life enrichment activities, that have proved to be effective for every seeing individual, no matter the level of functioning.

This Christmas I have invested quite a bit of time and energy organizing pictures and creating collages for my family. Below is a collection of a few of my family favorites.

__________________________________________________________________

Kareen King is a Registered Drama Therapist and founder of The Golden Experience, offering keynotes, concerts, and workshops to enrich lives in long-term care. For booking information, contact her at kking@thegoldenexperience.com or visit www.thegoldenexperience.com.

Kareen's CD's which feature original songs that give voice to individuals in long-term care settings, have been used as caregiver training tools, gifts for long-term care staff and volunteers, and for personal inspiration. To hear samples and to purchase, click http://www.cdbaby.com/Artist/KareenKing.

It's a Wonderful Life(?) in the Long-Term Care Setting

2011-12-17T10:28:00.000-08:00

Dick Van Dyke recently published a book entitled My Lucky Life. In honor of his birthday which is celebrated in December, I facilitated a "Dick Van Dyke" experience with the long-term care residents I work with. Part of the experience was to invite each resident to insert their own adjective in the title, "My _________ Life."

Adjectives included "Great," "Calm," "Excellent," "Happy," Wonderful," "Ordinary," and "Good," to name a few.

It did not at all, however, surprise me when one gentleman adamantly proclaimed, "My miserable life!" What struck me about his comment is that it mirrors everything I experience him to be. He lies in bed, by choice, except for dining. He refuses most invitations to attend group activities. He offers very little reciprocity the times I've made an effort to converse with him. And, case in point, the one time he initiated a conversation was in reaction to my comment that I'll be celebrating my 32rd wedding anniversary this year.

"32 years!" he exclaimed. "To the SAME person?" he added incredulously.

It made me think of a comment a very wise friend, Nancy, said to me a number of years ago.

"The older you get, the more YOU you become."

Though our circumstances may be miserable at times, I find it delightful and inspirational to see that the majority of nursing home residents always seem to find a way to see the cup half full instead of half empty. And, I encourage all direct care workers to remind those who see otherwise, to consider embracing the following adage, "Don't be sad that __________ is over. Be glad that it happened."

So, in the spirit of the Christmas season, I wish you all a very wonderful life.
__________________________________________________________________

Kareen King is a Registered Drama Therapist and founder of The Golden Experience, offering keynotes, concerts, and workshops to enrich lives in long-term care. For booking information, contact her at kking@thegoldenexperience.com or visit www.thegoldenexperience.com.

Kareen's CD's which feature original songs that give voice to individuals in long-term care settings, have been used as caregiver training tools, gifts for long-term care staff and volunteers, and for personal inspiration. To hear samples and to purchase, click http://www.cdbaby.com/Artist/KareenKing.

My Favorite Things Parody Not a Favorite

2011-12-16T06:20:00.000-08:00

The Sound of Music musical contains so much potential for an engaging experience for individuals in long-term care settings. Most recently, I pieced together the "favorite things" of the long-term care residents I work with and created a couple of parodies of Rodgers and Hammerstein's "My Favorite Things." They thoroughly enjoyed the performance of the validating end product.

In the moment, it occurred to me to test the waters for their reaction to another parody of the same tune that has made its way through cyberspace for a number of years, winding up in countless email forwards. This "old geezer" parody has been accompanied by the faulty claim that Julie Andrews wrote and performed it at Radio Music Hall on her 69th, receiving a four minute standing ovation. I discovered it years ago when a coworker handed it to me to include in a mini musical we created from The Sound of Music. At the time, I sang it with a level of unease, wondering if the residents found the lyrics as humorous as the unknown author must have. But I kept my thoughts to myself.

So, this time, I asked the residents to give me their honest reaction to the lyrics which, I for one, do not find at all amusing. These are a few of their words:

"Lousy."

"It's a disgrace."

"It's a real downer."

"It makes me feel hopeless."

Some folks, who rely on hearings aids, dentures, and walkers; and who live with failing memories and dementia may not find the parody funny at all. It hits just a little too close to home.

The lyrics are as follows:

Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favourite things.

Cadillacs and cataracts and hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favourite things.

When the pipes leak,
When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favourite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets, and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heat pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favourite things.

Back pains, confused brains, and no fear of sinnin',
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin',
And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things.

When the joints ache,
When the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I've had,
And then I don't feel so bad.
__________________________________________________________________

Kareen King is a Registered Drama Therapist and founder of The Golden Experience, offering keynotes, concerts, and workshops to enrich lives in long-term care. For booking information, contact her at kking@thegoldenexperience.com or visit www.thegoldenexperience.com.

Kareen's CD's which feature original songs that give voice to individuals in long-term care settings, have been used as caregiver training tools, gifts for long-term care staff and volunteers, and for personal inspiration. To hear samples and to purchase, click http://www.cdbaby.com/Artist/KareenKing.

A New Approach to Eating

2011-12-04T07:17:00.000-08:00

Have you ever noticed that a significant percentage of health care workers practice unhealthy habits? Kind of a paradox, isn't it?

Many years ago, I lost 29 pounds while a member of Weight Watchers. It took me three years. Shortly after reaching my goal weight, I took a job as an Activities Supervisor at a retirement community. Within two short years, I had gained all my weight back. How could this be, especially in light of how much running I did up and down hallways throughout the day?

Besides partaking of all the extra goodies such as homemade cookies, ice cream, and candy that were incorporated in the many activities I was overseeing, I also ate on the run. I somehow prided myself for my "working" lunches - literally inhaling my food while continuing with my work.

Many years later I find myself trying to reconstruct my life, examining why it is I can't seem to reclaim my health. I heartily conclude that diets don't work, but what does?

Lately, I've been listening to audio books during my travel time. One of the most useful books I've discovered is "Women, Food, and God," by Geneen Roth who claims that if we just ate like a four-year-old does, we'd eventually find ourselves returning to our natural weight.

What if we ate like the typical nursing home resident? Case in point. A few weeks ago, while rushing along with my work, I decided to sit down with a nonagenarian lady who had been sitting at a table with her lunch for at least twenty minutes. By the time I joined her, about three fourths of the food on her plate still remained. As typical of my frantic eating style, I consumed my entire plate within about two minutes.

"My, you wolfed that down in a hurry!" the lady exclaimed.

What an embarrassing wake-up call. So, this week, I have intentionally joined the elders at lunch to watch and learn. I have mimicked their eating habits, correcting myself if I find that I'm inching ahead of them. I'm astounded at the difference it makes, in terms of how much food I eat and how quickly I eat it, when I'm not paying attention.

Yesterday, one of the kitchen workers went around the dining room asking the residents if they wanted jello cake or ice cream.

"I'll take some of that jello cake," the lady sitting next to me responded.

"That's ridiculous!" the lady exclaimed to me after the kitchen worker set the cake down in front of her. "I don't eat that much anymore!"

Listening to my body, I decided to refrain from accepting a piece of cake, and instead, ate a bowl of pickled beets for dessert. And, no, it wasn't a sacrifice. I actually had a craving for them!

In the meantime, my lunch partner took one bite of her jello cake and left the rest alone.

And so, I have hope. I ate my food very slowly (and about half as much of it) the two times I dined with the elders this week. And I didn't just survive, I thrived.

I am convinced that caregivers would be healtheir and happier if they were encouraged to both savor their food and the individuals they dine with.
__________________________________________________________________

Kareen King is a Registered Drama Therapist and founder of The Golden Experience, offering keynotes, concerts, and workshops to enrich lives in long-term care. For booking information, contact her at kking@thegoldenexperience.com or visit www.thegoldenexperience.com.

Kareen's CD's which feature original songs that give voice to individuals in long-term care settings, have been used as caregiver training tools, gifts for long-term care staff and volunteers, and for personal inspiration. To hear samples and to purchase, click http://www.cdbaby.com/Artist/KareenKing.

The Power of a "Live" Experience in the Nursing Home Setting

2011-12-01T21:04:00.000-08:00

"Hey Bill, would you mind if we had Kareen's Kettle in here this afternoon?" I inquired, "Though I don't want to interrupt your movie."

Because the dining room was under construction, I had to relocate my event for the nursing home residents to a living room where Bill was watching a western movie on the big screen.

"It doesn't matter to me," he replied.

Within minutes, we had the space filled with a couple dozen residents while I shared a concoction of original nature pictures, Bette Midler tunes (in honor of her December 1st birthday), headline newsbits including the tale of the 103-year-old woman and her 83-year-old daughter who had threatened to be evicted from their home, and personal anecdotes.

I invited residents, one by one, to share their metaphor for love as a means to engage them in the song, "The Rose" and asked them to think about who their everyday heroes are as I sang "Wind Beneath My Wings."

In short, we experienced a rich and engaging afternoon together as I closed it with my usual routine of having my Emilou Goldenpuppet shake hands with each resident.

"Thanks for letting us interrupt your movie, Bill," I stated while rearranging the room.I wanted him to be assured that his rights and opinions mattered.

"You're twice as good as a movie," he replied.

"Awww, you didn't have to say that. But thanks so much. You just made my day," I replied.

"Well, facts are facts," he re-emphasized.

I think it goes without saying, that a live experience usually outweighs that which is automated. Especially if it's facilitated in a way that includes any of the following:
- Invitation to allow the residents to express themselves
- Close proximity of the participants (circles and semi-circles are best)
- Variety of means of communication (music, visuals, touch, discussion, storytelling, humor, play)
- Acknowledgement of each resident (shaking hands and/or hugging before and after the experience, identifying each resident by name, showcasing the visuals to each resident one at a time, good eye contact)

The spontaneous reactions and interactions that occurred during today's "kettle" could never be replicated. And for those who participated, the experience was much appreciated.

Kareen King is a Registered Drama Therapist and founder of The Golden Experience, offering keynotes, concerts, and workshops to enrich lives in long-term care. For booking information, contact her at kking@thegoldenexperience.com or visit www.thegoldenexperience.com.

The Challenge of Creatively Engaging Nursing Home Residents

2011-11-28T20:40:00.000-08:00

Several years ago I had the opportunity of touring a long-term care community. It was a busy, bustling environment well on its way in the journey of Culture Change. Enriching activities which were facilitated by "Life Engagement" assistants were offered throughout the day, staff wore street clothes, dogs and cats were allowed to wander amongst the residents, and so forth.

Eventually I was directed to a large living room area situated adjacent to the lobby where I was invited to participate in a Lifeline Interpretation activity which was facilitated by "Megan," one of two Life Engagement assistants. I soon found myself seated with a group of approximately ten residents who were seated in a semi-circle of couches and easy chairs. Adjacent to our seating area was another seating arrangement where one could see a contented gentleman sprawled out on a large couch,

Megan handed out to each resident black and white photo copies of two figurines, a man and a woman, who were dancing at a fiesta. The copy was a bit blurry, but the essence of the experience was there.

Megan then went through a series of questions designed to elicit responses from the participants. Very few responded, nor looked engaged. The scenario resembled that of a traditional classroom in which an instructor quizzed rather than connected emotionally with the students. She functioned as more of a presenter, than an engager.

Once I was seated, a female resident stood from her seat, walked over to me and handed me her photocopy.

“Oh flitter flutter,” she said as she handed me the paper, “I don’t have any use for this.”

She proceeded to return to her seat while another resident attempted to supply her with a new picture.

“Oh, they’re all the same,” she responded, then sat down.

Beside her was a rather cynical lady, I call Martha, who appeared to be very disinterested in the whole experience.

“I can’t tell one thing from another,” she remarked.

“Use your imagination,” Megan coached.

“O.k., use your imagination, Martha quipped.

While Megan continued her questions, several distractions were occurring. Employees carried on conversations of their own in the back of the room, the two young greeters raced into the space with their maracas shaking noisily, a large dog wandered into the space, a nurse was making loud beeping noises with an instrument of sorts, and the list goes on.

The frustration was evident on Megan’s face as she politely requested one of the employees to “use your quiet voice, please,” and later shooed the young boys away.

Megan’s remaining attempts to engage the residents seemed futile as they began commenting on the pictures amongst each other.

“Doesn’t even look like she has a bra on,” on lady commented on the female dance figurine, “Just floppin.”

“Can’t tell he has a top on,” another added about the male figurine.

“Doesn’t make any difference,” another said.

“Waste of time,” retorted Martha.

Clearly frustrated, Megan apologized, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” She then paused before adding, “How can I make it more interesting?”

Nobody responded.

By then the exercise had dissolved and Megan began collecting the papers. Not knowing any other options on how to bring closure to the experience, Megan concluded with a quick, “I love you,” to the group and whisked away to assist a volunteer musician who was having difficulty setting up the music stand on the grand piano on the other side of the living room.

I was not convinced that transformation, engagement, or connection was evoked from the experience. Furthermore, the residents had little time to soak anything in before immediately having to switch gears to a musical performance that began within minutes of the activity.

Engaging nursing home residents can be a challenging experience at times because of the many variables involved. The following link which was recently featured on The Today Show, however, shows how one woman has discovered a method of creatively engaging residents that has proved successful. For information on the how residents with dementia can benefit from a group storytelling process called Time Slips, click:

http://video.today.msnbc.msn.com/today/45435491

Kareen King is a Registered Drama Therapist and founder of The Golden Experience, offering keynotes, concerts, and workshops to enrich lives in long-term care. For booking information, contact her at kking@thegoldenexperience.com or visit www.thegoldenexperience.com.

What Nursing Home Residents Are Thankful For

2011-11-24T06:00:00.000-08:00

I quizzed the residents at one of the retirement communities I work at about what they're thankful for. I asked them to be very specific. Here are a few of their answers:

"It's just good to be alive." - Rebecka

"When I worry about something, something good happens. He (God) helps me." - Eula

"This place. It's small enough so the people can communicate with one another." - Carol

"I'm thankful that my oldest granddaughter came and told me her youngest son was o.k. in Afghanistan. So it makes me think of everyone (all the military)." - Gera

"I'm thankful my granddaughter's baby is o.k. And they'll all be together at my daughter's house." - Gladys

"I lost all my contacts and all my address books so I haven't been able to stay in touch with anyone. Then my nephew (whom she hadn't seen in five years) came to see me unexpectedly." - Evelyn

"Good health and that I came out of the second World War unhurt." - Gale

"The privilege of living in this country." - Bob, a WWII veteran

"Friends and family. I don't think there's anything better than that. There isn't anything to top it. You can't say health anymore 'cause you don't got it." - Betty

My favorite answer came from a lady who had been sitting silently as the others eagerly offered their answers.

"We haven't heard from you yet, Lucy. What are you thankful for?" I probed.

"I've been acknowledging them silently," she replied.

"You're not gonna let us in on even one?" I teasingly persisted.

"You're funny."

So Lucy had the last laugh. Happy Thanksgiving.

This turkey was hanging out with my neighbor's ducks the other day. Just a few of my neighbors . . .

Kareen King is a Registered Drama Therapist and founder of The Golden Experience, offering keynotes, concerts, and workshops to enrich lives in long-term care. For booking information, contact her at kking@thegoldenexperience.com or visit www.thegoldenexperience.com.

Nursing Home Teasing

2011-11-23T21:19:00.000-08:00

"You don't bite, do ya?" one nursing home resident teased as she attempted to park herself next to one of her fellow residents during one of the group activities I was preparing for.

"If I do, I'll just gum ya to death," the other teased back.

Kareen King is a Registered Drama Therapist and founder of The Golden Experience, offering keynotes, concerts, and workshops to enrich lives in long-term care. For booking information, contact her at kking@thegoldenexperience.com or visit www.thegoldenexperience.com.

Life is Bittersweet - Ego Integrity vs. Despair

2011-11-18T14:26:00.000-08:00

I was getting ready to do my "thing" with the elders of Brookside early this morning when I felt a sudden jolt of sharp pain shoot through my ankle on the way up the stairs. Hence, I've been virtually useless for the rest of the day as all my plans were forfeited. I don't know what exactly triggered it other than perhaps overuse - I took a very lengthy walk out in the Flint Hills Nature Trail yesterday, then jumped right into a heavy workout with an exercise group I'm a part of.

In the meantime, during my evening nature walk, I was disheartened to see that virtually every last Autumn leaf has lost its brilliance. Gone is the magical season of Morning Glories, Sunflowers, Sumac, Prairie Aster, Daisies, Goldenrod, Flowering Trumpet Vines, Queen Anne's Lace, and so forth.

Notwithstanding, the Bittersweet Berry prevails, outshining and outlasting the rest of its counterparts. Perhaps it's to remind us of the bittersweet transition from autumn to winter. Bitter that we must say good-bye to what's beautiful, and sweet that we have the memory.

The same holds true with life. Those of us who are blessed to live through the Spring, Summer, and Autumn seasons of life, must eventually move on into Winter. It's bittersweet, but more bitter for some than others. Some, particularly in long-term care settings who lament over their uselessness, their losses, their invisibleness.

"I'm nothing more than a number on that medical cart," one gentleman said to me the other day.

"Do you want me to agree with you?" I countered. "Because if you do, I won't."

This was his conclusion after he insisted that his entire life's work was worth nothing now and that none of it mattered. Trying to convince him that the ice cream businesses that he ran, which provided multitudes of customers many moments of pleasure, seemed an exercise in futility. The man was holding on to his story that nothing mattered now and that nobody cares.

"I care," I persisted. "If I didn't, I wouldn't be sitting here with you having this conversation."

I resolved our time together by offering to pray with him, an offer he didn't refuse.

"Thanks," he replied. "I can tell you care."

We parted with a hug.

So, what about all those who feel their lives no longer matter? I wrestle with this each time I encounter an individual like that gentleman.

At best, we can recruit more volunteers to invest their time into validating, comforting, conversing with, or providing meaningful one-to-one activities with those who can no longer do for themselves.

We can invest more time and money in staff training, encouraging direct care workers to provide more than just physical care. We can help steer the despairing resident who is tempted to dismiss his life as meaningless, toward a place of ego integrity and resolve. Or sometimes, we can simply offer a prayer and a hug.

Some may wonder why some keep on living, though seemingly useless to the rest of the world. I concur that it's not always about us. Perhaps their uselessness provides purpose for another. And so it goes. . .

Life is bittersweet. And that's just the way it is.

Kareen King is a Registered Drama Therapist and founder of The Golden Experience, offering keynotes, concerts, and workshops to enrich lives in long-term care. For booking information, contact her at kking@thegoldenexperience.com or visit www.thegoldenexperience.com.

A Person-Centered World?

2011-11-15T08:50:00.000-08:00

I am convinced that if we took as much effort in knowing our own spouses, children, parents, co-workers, and neighbors as we do when assessing our long-term care residents and designing their care plans within the paradigm of person-centered care, our world would be an extraordinary place. - Kareen King, RDT
----------------------------------------------
Kareen King is a Registered Drama Therapist and founder of The Golden Experience, offering keynotes, concerts, and workshops to enrich lives in long-term care. For booking information, contact her at kking@thegoldenexperience.com or visit www.thegoldenexperience.com.

Least Favorite Color - Grey Hair!

2011-11-13T13:24:00.000-08:00

I tried a new game with the residents called "My Favorite/Least Favorite Thing" from The Therapist Playbook by Pamela Van der Laan.

The way I worked it was to arrange the residents in a large, but close-knit circle during a creative movement activity I call Movers & Shakers. After we danced in our seats to Eva Cassidy's jazzy rendition of Wade in the Water from her Songbird album, I switched gears and added some brain exercises.

"O.k. ladies and gentlemen, we're going to go around the circle and declare our favorite and least favorite colors."

While seated on a medical stool and armed with a cordless mic, I then moved from resident to resident, asking one resident to identify his favorite color, followed by the next resident to identify his least favorite color and so forth until we made it all the way around the circle.

As expecteed, black and brown were the least favorite colors. Blue and yellow were often cited as favorite colors, along with pink, red, green, and purple. It also drew a few chuckles when a color was identified as both the favorite and the least favorite color, particularly when the answers came back to back. This occurred with red and yellow.

The best moment was yet to come as I approached one of the last gentlemen for his least favorite color.

"Grey hair!" he shouted.

.......................................................................................................................

Kareen King is a Registered Drama Therapist and founder of The Golden Experience, offering keynotes, concerts, and workshops to enrich lives in long-term care. For booking information, contact her at kking@thegoldenexperience.com.

Veterans With Dementia Tell Their Story

2011-11-12T19:20:00.000-08:00

It's a fascinating phenemona to peer into the world of the individual who lives with dementia.
Yesterday, I observed a pair of elderly Veterans with dementia conversing with each other before an event in which they were to be honored. I joined in the conversation as well.

Me: Tell me your thoughts about America and our military.

B: I'm old so I know better.

Me: What about the flag?

B: They didn't put many steps on it. But they know how to do.

M: They got it loose too.

B: It's a fixed item.

M: Been that way for a couple weeks.

Me: What does the flag stand for?

B: I know what we are and what you just said 'cause I spent some time on edge.

M: It stands for America. All Americans. I was only fightin' for it 33 months and I must have been fightin' for something.

B: (To M) I just noticed somethin' - our matchin' shoes.

M: Mine are $89.00.

B: Mine aren't $89.00 - that's for sure. I'm a firing young man.

M: Hey, I have a question.

B: Mmmm?

M: What have they asked you, what you were in the service?

B: I was in about three years.

M: What they call that?

B: What's the place they call that when I came in?

M: You mean when you came in?

B: Not the invasion of the . . . I was in the U.S. Coast invasion division. The Coast Guard indivision. I was shot at. You had to go in backwards so you didn't get your eyes shot at.

Though they may be losing touch with the words that describe what they experienced, the stories are still very much alive and well within these men who served our country.

Kareen King is a Registered Drama Therapist and founder of The Golden Experience, offering keynotes, concerts, and workshops to enrich lives in long-term care. For booking information, contact her at kking@thegoldenexperience.com.