Marriage Advice from Elders in Long-Term Care Settings

My oldest son is getting married tomorrow. I’ve been collecting advice from nursing home residents over the past couple weeks to pass on to him and his wife.

The following is great wisdom worth noting.

Don’t both get mad at the same time. (Tom, married 66 years)

Get the Bible and go by it. (Albert, married 53 years)

Never go to sleep without kissing each other. (Patricia, Albert’s wife)

Be honest with each other. (Mary, married 66 years)

Don’t go to bed mad. (George, married over 60 years)

Behave yourself. (Laura, married “a long time”)

Humor your wife. Let her have the things she wants. The reason I say that is that when I was a little boy, my dad worked while my mother was a homemaker. We would take a Saturday night trip to the grocery store every week. My dad and me would wait in the car while my mother shopped. When she returned my dad would ask, ‘Did you get everything you wanted?’ ‘No. I didn’t get the celery or the walnuts for the waldorf salad,’ she would say. ‘Why not?’ he’d ask. ‘Because I spent everything you gave me in the grocery store.’ My father was a good man and a hard worker, but he was tighter than the hinges on a barn door. I made up my mind I wasn’t going to treat my wife that way. I have a goal that when I die I wanna have no money left for people to fight about. Even my own gravedigger should get fifty cents if I have it left to give. (Melvin, married 52 years)

Keep on loving her. (Jo, age 101, married 74 ½ years)

Be fair and respect each other. (Helen, married 68 years)

Never go to bed mad at her. Don’t complain about her cooking. Never forget her birthday. Or anniversary either! (Doreen, married 53 ½ years)

Patience is important. Be your own person. (Zic, married 60 years)

Take her out to dinner once in awhile. (Ann, married 63 years)

Don’t expect perfection. Don’t talk bad about your husband to other people. If somebody says something bad about your husband, just keep your mouth shut. There’s a lot of things we just gotta ignore unless it would really hurt someone. (Jean, married 35 years)

Nothing’s worth fighting over. We didn’t fight, but talked things over about what was right for both of us. (Margaret, married 79 years)

The first thing to do is not to get a wife to work a different shift than you’re working. Treat your wife the best you can ‘cause when she’s gone, you’ll really miss her. Don’t fiddle around and get tangled with someone else. (Merlin)

Keep yourself straight – tellin’ the truth. (Charlie, married fifty years)

It’s give and take. The vows are for better or for worse so take them both. My husband and I always went by the ten commandments. No love is more beautiful than the love of God. It costs a lot more to get divorced than to get married. We had a very good marriage. We never went to bed mad at each other. We always kissed each other good night. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss him. I always remember the good times. I never remember the bad times. (Arlene, widowed four years, married fifty years, married for four years before that)

If you’re an alcoholic, it’s not gonna last. If you’re a good worker, you oughtta make it. If you think anything of your wife, she’s the best friend you could have. Not everybody’s this lucky. I got a great wife. I only knew her three months before I married her. The longest way home is the sweetest. (Laverne, married 68 years)

When you make a decision stay with it. I made a decision and I stuck with it. (Gera, Laverne’s wife)

If you make a mistake, admit it. Never support a man, which I had to do for eight years. Never make a promise you don’t plan on keeping. (Ellie, married eight years to first husband, six and a half “good years” to the second)

Treat your spouse with respect and compromise. A good sexual relationship is important. Go to church and believe in God. Try to look your best. Cook! Don’t make t.v. dinners. (Carol, married 41 years)

Kareen King, RDT is founder of The Golden Experience – Keynotes, Concerts, & Workshops to Enrich Lives in Long-Term Care. For more information, visit http://www.thegoldenexperience.com/. Email Kareen King at kking@thegoldenexperience.com.